just come out here and I will go home with you...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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