i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
