I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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