Yo dont text me then not text me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize