I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
