I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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