I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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