theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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