So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
