Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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