hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
