i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
