He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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