I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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