I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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