I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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