I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My life is pants optional.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
