true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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