birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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