Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
