You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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