I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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