Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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