it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
