Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
