I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
