Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
