I'm laying in your front yard are you home
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
honey bunches of taint.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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