Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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