tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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