I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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