Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hotel room ftw
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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