Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
