every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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