The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
