we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing