Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell