I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
