Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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