Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
