I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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