Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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