Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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