So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
