actually, I'm a sock model
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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