Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
