I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
