i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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