no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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