I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The uberlube is also flammable
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize