awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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