You work out of a Hotel?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
