I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
