Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
