I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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