there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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