VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
